Comedy Editorial – Jennifer Aniston and ‘The Pitts’
Why do the Press make out that Jennifer Aniston’s life is the Pitts? It hasn’t been ‘The Pitts’ since, like 1998.
What I love about Jennifer Aniston is that she’s the friend that is happy to talk about ‘Friends’. A celebrity willing to talk about the very thing that made them is rare. Aniston is the complete antithesis of Victoria Beckham. Posh never wants to talk about the Spice Girls. She always looks miserable when she gets asked about them. I suppose that could be her default expression. (VB invented ‘resting bitch face’). Nonetheless, her disdain for Spice retrospect is disappointing. It’s like she feels her self-made Fashion Empire and Beckham Brand has outshone her 90’s Britpop quest for Girl Power. As if dressing size zero models trumps starting a feminist girl power revolution! The other Spices must rue the day she got into Beckham’s pants. That’s what happens when you don’t get many of the singing lines, you have more time to nosh off a footballer. (S Club’s Tina was filthy).
Back to Jennifer Aniston. It’s refreshing that she relishes in ‘Friends’ nostalgia. Such a contrast to watching the others squirm. Their eyes silently screaming, as they look over at their assistant, who presumably mouths to the producer, ‘I thought this interview was to plug their movie?’ Or worse: their play. No, Matthew Perry we don’t want to hear about how you’re taking a piece of new writing to the West End. All we really want to know is which prescription drugs you were on during Season 3 that made you so darn skinny? They’re all about ‘moving on’ and conscious of the perils of ‘type cast’. Being type cast is great though. It means that you haven’t aged. Still playing the girl next door? I wish that happened in real life. My relationship is like the life span of a Hollywood actress, I started off playing the love interest and now I’ve been reduced to the role of his mother.
The reason Jen-Ann is happy to chat about ‘Friends’ is because she’s grateful that we’re not asking her about her love life. Not asking about Justin Theroux or Vince Vaughn or Paul Rudd or Tate Donovan or Paul Sculfor or Owen Wilson or John Mayor or Gerard Butler or god forbid BRAD PITT. I’m not slut shaming. I think we should only slut shame if the blokes are minging. Wayne Rooney? You slag! George Clooney? You cad!
Jennifer’s slept with a lot of hot men. I mean she’s on par with Kylie Minogue and Taylor Swift. Respect. And she’s contributed more to the music industry. (One of her suitors inspired a Shania Twain lyric).
Aniston is also glad that when we’re talking ‘Friends’, it means we’re not probing her about motherhood. the Press are obsessed with this. She once got ‘papped’ looking ‘bloated’ on Malibu Beach and they speculatedthat she was with child. She was not with child, she was with pizza. She had a day off her Macrobiotic Atkins Low GI Grapefruit See Food Don’t Eat Food diet and allowed herself the ‘C’ word. (Carbs). Last time I allowed myself carbs I thought I was pregnant too. Pregnancy tests should have three outcomes, ‘pregnant’, ‘not pregnant’ and ‘food baby’ -mine, like Jen’s, was the latter and I was really gutted because an abortion is so much easier than a diet. And I’m Irish, I repealed the eighth. It’s important. An abortion is a horrible thing to have to do but we’ve made it that much easier for Irish women. The relief they must feel to never have to get on a Ryan Air flight again must be profound.
Why do we care about what women do with their bodies? Shouldn’t we be more interested in Jennifer’s body of work? I mean I know ‘Horrible Bosses’ is something we all would like to forget but come on!
Jennifer recently said that she has worked ‘too hard and had too much success to be reduced to just a woman with no children and no man’. The obsession with Jennifer Aniston settling down is a magnified reflection of society’s constant expectation of us all. Why do we place so much importance on finding a partner and having children? It’s as if the entire survival of the human race relies on it or something. This social conform is for men too. Yet, there’s more pressure on women because they have a specific window to get pregnant in. I’ve been told about this window and that’s why I always make sure I never have sex near any sort of fenestration.
I’m now at that age where people are starting to ask me about marriage and babies and that’s why, like Jennifer always try to steer to the conversation back to Friends. (By saying things like: ‘I’m BREEZY!’).
The invasive dissection of Aniston’s life by the media has made me realise that our own lives on a smaller scale are also a barrage of expectation.
When are you going to get a boyfriend?
When are you going to move in together?
When are you going to get married?
When are you going to have kids?
Why can’t we live in the moment? (I try to live in the moment but it’s hard because I’m always thinking about my next meal.)
Why are we constantly asking our friends when are they going to do stuff? Life isn’t a story that we are the sole writer of. Life happens. We can’t always control it. Like, Bill Hicks said ‘it’s just a ride’. While on this ride we shouldn’t be trying to follow this outdated structure that tells us how to live our life. We should take our hands off the bars, scream and try not to vomit and laugh at how imperfect the photo is at the end.
Jennifer Aniston is my goddess because she is the contrarian of social expectations. We shouldn’t pity her. We should be celebrating her for being in one of the most popular sitcoms (and ‘bumping uglies’ with Brad Pitt). If I achieve anything close, I’d consider my life a success.